i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
