We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
