do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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