Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
