You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
