oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
