i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
