Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
