Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
