turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's blow job season.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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