Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
