1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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