Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've blown a few things in my day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
