my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
