this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
