24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
