is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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