So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
