Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
