The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize