I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
