oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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