protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
