so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
