I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
