i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
