im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
