it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
