Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though