I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does