Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure