I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.