I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room