I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
