I need to stop coming to work sober
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
