he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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