And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Four minutes until I can fart!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
