Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
