Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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