I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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