people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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