Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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