4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
time to smoke my breakfast
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize