are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
