Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do herpes really smell.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
