I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
kristin has been a bad kristin
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
