Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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