Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
