one might say we're banned from that church
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think your dad took our porno
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
