So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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