Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
