I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
