so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
