fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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