She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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