the condom got lost in my hair
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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