$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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