You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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