My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
