Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
