Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
