Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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