My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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