Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
