I got chris browned last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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