I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
