we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
