Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
