You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
