FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
