I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
