What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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