why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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