sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
