At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
