i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
