Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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