you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
